I realized recently, that I find myself referring to most events, and my life, separated into two phases - "Before Trent passed and After Trent Passed." As I observe the 3-year anniversary today of Trent's sudden passing, a gamete of emotions run through my mind, and my heart. First the obvious of, how on earth can it be 3 years??? Pardon my French, but WTF!
There are 3 things - or lessons - in 3 Years I've learned. I hope by sharing it helps you or someone you know in some way:
1. What I know for sure is that grief is an ongoing, evolving, very personal and unpredictable emotion and experience. It's a process with no end and no deadline, although some people may want or expect you to have an end with your grief, and your tough days, and "get on with your life, already!" Usually so they can feel more comfortable.
We will all experience loss at some point. It's a part of life. Levels of loss are subjective and until you've experienced the loss of someone you loved, unconditionally, more than anything and more than you could have ever imagined loving someone and that you never fathomed losing, it's difficult to understand or to know what to do when someone you know if suffering a loss. Until you've been cracked open, broken down and brought to your knees by grief, tragedy or whatever life challenge knocks you down, it's hard to understand. I get that now.
2. And I've learned over these three years not to take it personally or be upset when someone says something that sounds utterly ridiculous, insensitive or offensive, such as "Are you still going to stay in that house?" or "Don't you think you should be dating by now, because he probably would". Until recently, these types of comments or questions would be very upsetting, now it makes me laugh when I retell it to a girlfriend. Still a bit off-putting, but I know most people mean well, it's just they just don't understand. I've grown and evolved to a place of peace with this and to not get upset with people who don't understand and still want me to be the "old Susan", you know, before Trent passed. It's kind of like the judgments we make toward parents on how to parent their children when we're not a parent ourselves and then we become a parent and all of the, "I'd never let my kid do that or I would never raise my children that way" goes out the window! Until you experience it, you really don't get it. It changes everything and we're never the same. But hopefully we choose to become better than we were before. To be a Victor and not a Victim of our circumstance, whether loss, tragedy or whatever circumstance - fill in the blank.
I got through the entire month of October - his birthday and our wedding anniversary - with out any tears. That is until this morning. I started this morning getting Sophia ready for school and out the door focusing on the positive and reminding her that "Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass.....It's learning to Dance in the rain...." and that this is what we would do today, just as Trent would want us to. And just as this plaque in our kitchen (pictured above) from Trent's sister, Tracie and my brother-in-law Ron, brought us on a surprise visit in December after Trent died, reminds us. I then practiced Day 1 of the Deepak Chopra 21-Day Meditation Experience and centered with today's meditation mantra "My Beliefs Enhance My Life". After a few text messages from friends and family, one in particular made my cry for just a few seconds before I declared my mantra and stopped..........I belief this with every fiber of my being. And, if you know me or work with me at Inspired By Fitness, you know how much I believe in positive affirmations and the power of faith, love and light.
3. What I know for sure is that I have been able to create a new, healthy, happy normal because of my beliefs that there is more good to come and that choosing love and light over fear and darkness brings more light and love in every area of our life and for those around us. I'm a work in progress.................doing my best to embrace the process of grief, dance in the rain and live my best life through serving others through health, fitness and love. I have immense gratitude for my life and all its lessons. I love my life and the new normal I've created. My story continues to evolve and I hope sharing it helps others find their own strength to move forward and find their internal power. To choose love and light over fear and darkness, even when (fill in the blank). To discover their purpose and take a leap of faith to pursue it.
One Bite At A Time, One Day At A Time.
With gratitude and love, Susan